Look in a mirror.
Tell me –
Do you feel –
Bile – acid, glucose, the Dead sea –
Glugging up your throat, in your pipes
A fist of hopeful vomit
Eyes glued to your –
Do you hate yourself – ?
Inside, your heart is cradled, swaddled like a new-born,
in veins, arteries, capillaries – blood blood blood –
Your lungs, soft – alveolus that know exactly what to do,
They keep your heart in oxygen,
Your heart keeps your body functioning – every – single
Breath you take –
Except sometimes you don’t feel like breathing –
You don’t have to think about walking.
You just do – For hours.
You don’t have to think about writing, your hand
Moves like the dancer you used to be, leaving a deranged shadow man
On each curling grapevine of ink,
Your words curl secrets on your lips, lollipop into being,
Blow up in your head, pass smooth from your tongue
Like the butter you hate.
It’s easy. Hate is easy.
Walking, writing, wasting your life –
But breathing isn’t easy.
Eating isn’t easy.
Imagine your bones beneath your skin,
Literally holding you together –
Why is your body more functional than your mind?
Your skin, smooth, smooth, honey rich – flowing off your breasts,
Smeared across your stomach, your thighs –
Sugared pooling, a river of hatred, stars and wishes on your lips,
A bloody fingerprint in your mind
Don’t do it tonight.